Terms of Service
1. Presidential Access
By accessing this portal, you acknowledge that you are either:
- A current or former President of the United States
- Elon Musk (requires TRUMP coin verification)
- Joe Biden (access permanently suspended)
2. TRUMP Coin Requirements
For Elon Musk access:
- Minimum balance of 1000 TRUMP coins required
- Coins can be earned through various Trump-pleasing activities
- Coins are non-refundable and non-transferable
3. Security Measures
Users must:
- Maintain a secure connection at all times
- Not share nuclear codes with unauthorized personnel
- Keep their ice cream consumption within reasonable limits
4. Account Restrictions
The following activities are prohibited:
- Attempting to log in while riding a bicycle
- Using classified documents as login credentials
- Forgetting where you put your login button
5. Disclaimer
This portal is a satirical creation and is not affiliated with any government agency. All presidential seals, nuclear codes, and TRUMP coins are purely fictional.